Blessed in disguise, i would comment..

Anyway, had a joyful christmas countdown with friends..
the first ever celebration without any hippcups.. i would mean..
and as usual, without him by my side.

apparently, no one praise me like stranger did.
the first ever comments that i had and.. i think it would be my christmas gifts..

2years back… somehow i had a memorable christmas celebration, we got hooked and then…
however, he had left for some better places.. i guessed he’s great right now..
blessed him and merry x’mas.

times passes fast, just a blink and soon it would be in year 2010.
i had many wishes that yet to be granted.
i’ll tel you my wishes next time then

你怎么舍得我难过 – is the song that you say i sang to you
(im glad you know it)

you know i couldn’t save you, and you’ll ignore me..
you’re too straight-forward, dear..

i tried to give-in to your concession but you couldn’t feel..
i am so much in pain..

i’m so concern ’bout you, but you seems to be ignorance.
i tried to call you; but you couldn’t bother to answer.
when i says i care for you, your words to my question seems to be so biting.
it hurt me so much..

why…
at times you seems to be grateful and sweet..
but at times.. you’re ignorance..

you says you need me by side.. i regret i couldn’t..

when the time is right, you would marry me and fled off to a place where no one know us and start afresh..
words that you said to me seems to be a phobia to me yet its so romantic and sweet.
can i believe you?

a lonely birthday without you by my side;
4 language of birthday songs for me…
birthday wishes and loves from you…
i’m holding onto my tears but deep down from my heart i’m crying…
though you couldn’t give me any present/memories but somehow you claim you could at least sing;
indeed you’ve already make my day…
this is the best present/memories that you’ve gave me when i tell you;
you said i’m foolish because you says you would sing for me every year during my birthday…
you claim this is the only things you could do for me at the moment..
though you says you couldn’t celebrate with me but here you’re on the phone you have..

birthday would be in 2days times, a lonely birthday again.. i guess..

it’s seem to be different from last year.. friends would be here to celebrate with me..
and as usual, he’s not here with me..

anyway, it’s seem that i’ve eventually ignore him..
giving excuses not to talk to him or call him..
maybe i’ve got into the whole pictures of him, couldn’t be trusted..
i just can’t denied his love for me now but somehow i’m afraid to love him even more..

i was quite reluctant recently, couldn’t be bother to answer his calls in the middle of the night..
i’m trying to confess something though.. which is.. i’m starting to be afraid of him…
each time he called, i tried to make it short and sweet.. because i wouldn’t want to be indugle by his words..
as i knew, i would fall into his pit-hole..

i’ve already learn to let go of this agony..
the relationship between us is nothing but just a word ‘care’ in it..
i can’t denied that i still care for him, but that doesn’t mean i love him..
it has been 2 years.. everything starts to change.. the feeling is gone.. the love is gone..

fews days back when we chatted, you seems to be so down..
saying you wouldn’t forget the times we spend together, the love that we exchange once..
you regret you didn’t treasure them in the past and wish to compensate everything to me now in present and future…
as we spoke, thinking of the past.. you seems utterly that you’re missing me right now.. i guessed so..
asking me whether i still love you for the first time; i was in doubt then..
asking me to give you another chance.. i’ve given you too much.. but you didn’t treasure..
you says it’s a blessing for you for knowing me and it’s a regret for me for knowing you.. i guessed so..
ever-since, i got to know you.. everything change..
you says you love me, i was in doubt because i wouldn’t know whether your words is true..
it’s seem to be so fake, it’s seems like you’ve been practising too much to other women..
maybe im your women… just a women that when you need me…

many things happens… ups and downs…

should i comfort myself or should i comfort you?
should i give in or give up?

i can’t afford myself to fall into the pithole once again;
but somehow… i guessed, i had..
you indugle me with your voice filled with sadness, i couldn’t take it.

for the first time in our relationship, you says it verbally that you love me.
should i believe or just take it a joke from you?

somehow.. i’m just grateful to you telling me that you love me..
i have no regret.

the promises that i’ve gave,
the words that i’ve says,
the actions that i’ve shown,
the remorseful that i’ve sinned,
is being broken once again..

i shown my tougher sider but it turned out to be soft after some time.
i tried to hate and love and yet again, i gave in.

the pain you’ve caused, i wouldn’t regret.
the pain you’ve wound, i wouldn’t complaint.
the sinned you’ve done, i wouldn’t blame.
as i knew or might be stil…l loving you..

i couldn’t resist the temptation that you once gave.
your kiss, your love, you words,
seems to indulge me whenever i think of it.

birthday is coming, and christmas is round the corner.
i’m gotten to spend a lonely birthday and a lonely christmas once again.
the year isn’t getting better.

you’ve debts to sort, and i’ve loans to repay.
i’m getting too tired recently.

i just need your true love from you without any hidden motive.
that would be my presents for me from you, can you dear?

i still live in your agony.

do i act on impulse last night?
i’ve never scold nor say things to hurt you before; but it’s seem to be too real last night.

you’ve really make me disappointed, debts are once again for you and once again for me to clear.
i’m really tired of clearing your debts.
i want to have a peace life with your love but it’s seem to be too fake.

please tell me.. what should i do?

where the promises that you once gave?

i put in so much effort just because i wanted to trust you.
i guessed i couldn’t trust you anymore.

i lied, i sinned, i sold my soul,
just because i love you.

you were feeling remorseful for the things you done,
and wanted to live up to your name once again.
i trust you and that’s the reason for me to sacrifield.

you didn’t treasure my love and things i’ve done,
you gave me false hopes again and again;
yet i’m trying my best to trust you again and again.
i guessed i couldn’t bring myself to trust you again this time .

you break your promises,
i was so much disappointed.

i should know you well before falling in love with you;
our love was like ‘love at first sight’.
we seen each-other for less than 5times less than an hours.
we did a terrible mistake on the night itself after we left my ex-place.
and the story began from there…. to now….

probably we knew each-other for more than a year, without any commitment in-between.
complicated relationship for a year; we’ve been together for almost 9months and only get to see each-other twice.
that’s the reason we are falling apart without any understanding.

your promises to me seem to be a fairy-tale to me,
you says i’m your always and would want me to be wife when the times is right.
really i do appreciate, but i guessed i can’t trust you.
i do want to be your wife, i do want to get marry and have kids with you,
but i just couldn’t tolerate your bad habits.
we’re really not mean for each-other as what it have predicted out.
no matter how hard i tried, no matter how hard i love,
you took it for granted…

each time you hurt me, i tried to deny the facts.
but this time, i couldn’t tolerate anymore.
you hurt me deeply, dear.

let’s have our seperate path from here, shall we dear?
our memories would be kept deeply in our heart.

no calls; no messages;

it been days since you last called me.
i was emo-ed the last night, and i need to you pamper me.
i tried calling you unteems times and the result i got was… ignored..
you didn’t answer my calls, you didn’t even bother to sms me.

if you need me, you would call and start indulge sweet remedy to me.
if you don’t need me, you would ignore me for days or maybe weeks… maybe months…
and if i asked, your answer would be always the same… i’m busy working and have no time entertain you.
why the excuses that you always gave seem to be so hurting?
am i your girlfriend? or am i just your money lender?
have you really forget the times we’ve been together?

i hate the feeling of being like this..
i can’t adjust.
i’m trying to love you yet hating you.

the preservance i endure, the love that i once gave.. is just an illusions.
adjustments is needed for me right now.

i’m having some confession to myself,
giving myself some peace and quiet time.

i believe you wouldn’t regret either,
because you get to earn some credit after-all and i’m suffering from depression and monetary lost.

you make used of my love; my soul that was sold to you.
eventuallly, you gained much as i do –

congrats, you’ve won the game and i’ve lost.
i’ll back-off then