The 475th day… it have been a year since you left

words spread fast, yet there’s no one to defend me.

the outcomes from everyone was like ‘its unbelieveable’ except one of my friend.
he chose to believe me, as he knew i wouldn’t make this up.
he even urge that i should report but somehow i told him; he wouldn’t even bother/care much for me… and anyway, the case have been closed since last month.

the truths the false the greed have been led out by its cat.
numberous of question marks have been wandering around my brain for a year, and finally… there’s a exclamation mark to my brain.
this would be it, i guessed.

The 473th day…

i’m starting to have doubt on him.

2days back when we chat,
we seems to be strangers, having your cold voice over me.

you promise that you wouldn’t leave me,
you promise that you’ll love me,
you promise that you would take good care of me,
but still, i was in doubt.

The 469th day…

it have been 2 days since you last called me.

you’ve settled your debts and you don’t need me anymore.

The 467th day… let’s called it end

i guessed i’ve no choice but to believe.

one last time of confession and i’m not going to sin or fool again.
i’ve learnt from my lessons and mistake.

from this moment of time, i’m going forget him.
memories of ours, would be erased.
i wouldn’t want to be fool again.

you even says that i’m yours always;
and will ask for my marriage when it’s time.
seriously, i was in doubt.
no point making empty promises, dear.

maybe we’re not really meant for each-other.
it’s just another puppy love for you and me.
you would only love me when you need me.

what the point of having this relationship, when we are in 2 different country. it won’t work at all, even it does; you’re not the guy that could resist – womanizer, gamble, drink and etc…
secondly; i don’t have trust in you, i even doubt that you love me.
thirdly; i wouldn’t know whether you’ve another girlfriend.

months of relationship being together, let’s called it end from here.

The 464th day…

apparently, everything has changed.

The 454th day…

you think you know me.. apparently you don’t.
you says you understand me.. apparently you don’t.
you love yourself.. you love your friends more than me.

you wouldn’t tell your friends/others that i’m your girlfriend.
you wouldn’t dare to hold my hand in public when we’re together.
you wouldn’t let me hug you in public because you’re afraid.. afraid of something.. i wouldn’t know.
i shouldn’t have love you that much.

you claim you’re busy, you claim you’re tired.
but.. i doubt so…
you claim you love me, you claim you’ll treasure me more than before,
but.. i just couldn’t feel..

when i need you.. where are you..
when i don’t call.. you wouldn’t bother unless you’re in need..
when i threw my temper.. you wouldn’t pamper nor bother..
when i cried.. you blame me for asking troubles..

you just wouldn’t care whether i’m dead or alive.
you would only.. when you need me..

i shouldn’t love you..
i shouldn’t miss you..
i shouldn’t visit you..
i shouldn’t have slept with you..

i SHOULD have hate you.
a guy like you… that didn’t know how to appreciate love.

The 451th day… it’s time for me to let go…

i feel so much better… finally…with the help of my ‘brother’.

after pouring all my downs and troubles, he’s the one who could give me advices and yes, he’s a guy…
and he understand how a guy feels and thinks, though he’s much younger.

maybe what he elaborate it’s true, if he really love you.. he would put in much effort and try way to accompany you till the last day of your trip but he didn’t.

i guessed.. i knew the answers already..
it’s time for me to let go..

The 448th day…

Almost 9hours of journey to seek for you, i got to meet you finally.
the first impression of you was… something is different from us though.
i couldn’t feel the love that i used to have, it’s just something strange from us.

somehow my guts tell me that you aren’t the guy that is able to spend the whole of my remaining life with me.
i’m feeling so uncertain and so disappointed.
why wouldn’t you believe me that things really happen to me and you didn’t even pamper or console me.
you scold me for the first time, you’ve never been like this before to me before.
i’m so much disappointed and at least, i’ve take a good look of you.
maybe you just like many other guys that love to flirt around and when it’s time that you need me,
you changed.
you changed really fast.. dear..

i really didn’t know what to do.
i learned to slash, i learned to did something that i used to think it’s silly.
i wouldn’t want to have any memories of you but i just can’t stop myself thinking of you.

maybe of this trips, you taught me many things.
you taught me to forget you, you taught me to hate you, and also.. you aren’t a perfect guy for me at all.
and maybe.. i shouldn’t visit you at all. it’s my mistake after-all.

Nevertheless…
thanks for compromise me at times,
thanks for giving me your time though you were quite busy at time,
thanks for spending the time with me that i alway wanted.

And lastly… i bid good-bye to you..
my soul-mate..
i’ll wouldn’t pester you anymore.

The 443th day…

Apparently, we’ve been in relationship for about 8 months.
And the last time we met is.. 7months ago.

Nevertheless, we went through ups and downs at times.
Though we never fought but still we argue on some certain issue regarding on your problems. i gave in to compromise but you took it for granted at times till i threw my temper on you and you’ll apologize.

I knew for the past recent month, i gave you a cold shell without trying to contact you.
I changed, you said and yes… it’s true, i’ve changed.

Anyway, we’re meeting tomorrow and maybe i should clarify more on our relationship basics.

The 438th day… good-bye, my soul-mate

I feel so frustrated and moody recently.

feeling so lonely and alone at times,
i’m tired with my job, love and everything.

it’s the first time that i reject and didn’t want to help him in his difficulties.
though somhow, i knew i had some ways but still wouldn’t want to offer any help.
i guess it’s time for me, to let go of his/my burden.

i knew i have changed,
keeping things to myself and wouldn’t want to talk much on the phone.
maybe it’s time for me to forget you, my soul-mate.

should i visit him next week?