sorry, its time for me to let go

just a blink, and it’s christmas today – a lonely christmas
wishing everyone, him and his family a merry christmas.

thoughts have been wondering in my minds for quite sometimes, to let go or not to let go.
knowing it’s wrong to start yet we did it. and yes, we’ve been even closer till it’s hard for us to let go now.
i knew i shouldnt be a home-wrecked in the first place.
i should’ve thought of his status, his family, his kids and wife. i mean his legal wife
the days we had together is a fruitful memorable for me, the stuffs he gave, the promises he kept and everything that make me wouldnt want to leave him even more.

knowing what is right or wrong now, i’ve become a muddle-head.
i force myself to sleep everynight, i force myself not to miss you but i failed.
i need to do a self-reflection, but its seems to be contradiction.

the ever first birthday that i really enjoy myself, the ever first candle-light dinner i had, thanks for the memories dear. yes at times, we fought over jealously
the pressure i had, the insult i’ve overheard, i endure its because i love you.
i learnt to control my emotion, i changed because of you.. to be more reasonable and understanding.
you are the person that i doesnt wish to upset or hurt, because im afraid to lose you.

there’s always a ending in every games, and i guessed it times to be game-over
i wouldnt want you to betray your family because of me, seriously im already contented to have you for the past 7mths. i’m already satisfied.

if you still remember there’s once i ever say this to you,
if there’s next life between us, i want to be your wife and be with you offically.

please dont leave me

i’ve always told myself that i will not fall in love again, yet i still do…
knowing you that you’re married with kids, yet i still fall for you…
the sweetness you gave, i couldn’t resist myself..
you gave me a chance to free myself from my ex, and now.. the history came back..
out of months we had together, though we had those secretive relationship but still i never regret.
i miss your hugs and your kisses.. the times when i threw my tantrum at you, you would always give in me.. i didn’t know when and how i started to love you.. the days we had was an enjoyable.. i wouldnt want to leave you.. dear, im not asking much from you.. i just wouldn’t want you to leave me.. you knew i was crying in front of you begging you, not to leave me.. and you gently wipe off my tears, say you have no choice anymore.. dear i really love you.. please dont leave me

i trully understand… finally…

some thought are flying around my brain..
what are friends for?
till today, i understand who to trust? who to love? and who are truly the one for me.
i guess i no longer living this world with pain.
debts are offically clear, i have repay everything.
we no longer own each other.
you have your life, i have my life.
i used to love you this much till i would go to the extreme of selling myself, my trust, my pride but you do not appreciate.
only when you need me, you would hunt for me.
i guessed i have really lost faith in you and love.
moment of time, i would think of you.
but if there’s a day of being with you, the answer is no.
i would rather like it as now, as stranger as it is.
i admit i miss you, but not wanting to be with you.
love your life, love your family, love your friends, and love your girl.
our love or even maybe its just an one-sided love, lets me keep the nice memories in me.

i would love to confide, sorry JL.
i think i couldnt love you, its because the scar is in me.
things you have done for me, i appreciate.
you deserve someone more better than me.
i couldnt bring myself to hurt you.

friends.. i always thought that i have countless of friends..
but im wrong..
the only friend that stood by me, and love me, is my long time good friend.
she’s the one who would lend me her shoulder when i feel like crying..
thanks pamela for always being there me, and never forsake me..

The 913th day.. Good Bye SPI..

It’s a brand new year, 2011.
I have already let it go, because i knew he wouldn’t return to me anymore.
Blessed him with his new love, new life.

Debts.. soon, i will have it cleared.
my loads seems to be lighter each day.

2years has passed, it’s the time for me to bid spi.
i wouldnt want to leave actually, or maybe it’s an act of impulse?
i do not know?
my bff left because of her reason due to she’s station at office, while i’m not connected to them.
it’s so flexible at my side. seriously, i’m so comfortable with my current colleagues at airport.
too bad, it’s time for me to move on into a bigger company, bigger prospect and better salary.
who are the humans? who are the ghosts? i do not know.
i hae been givin a raise and a promotion, and yet i’ve left.
hoping i do not make the wrong decision.

Ceva, here i come.
hoping to have nice colleagues like daniel, fang fang and gou gou.
i miss you guys loads.

The 868th day.. Happy 23rd Birthday.

It’s once in a year again.. Happy birthday to me..
without him by side, without his voice, without his hugs and love.. this i’ve let it go long ago.
(we lost contact for almost 6mth)

the very same day for last year, he callled and sang for me 4 languages of birthday song.
and this he promised me that he would do this for me every year without fail.
i guessed i shouldnt hope on this anymore. he no longer need me, he no longer remember my birthday.
he had his life for now and i’ve my new life for now.

The 822th day.. 还没告诉你 对不起 我爱你

do i really have to accept the facts?
i alway thought i could, and i have already let go… but i was wrong..
people always said.. dreams are just a dreams.. but it seems not for me..
dreams is just a wake up call for me, its teaches me not to hide my feeling nor hurt anyone else.
it seems so real till i got no reasons but to believe it.
i should have let it go, i should have wish him all the best..

i bet he’s having a good life and good relationship with his current girlfriend now.
i cant destroy their relationship, though we have once been ups and downs.
but it’s over.

the only thing i regret was… i left without bidding a proper goodbye…

这熟悉的天气
留在深处的记忆
似乎那次我们相遇
是缘分前世的累积
那曾经的旋律
却不能再次响起
是否我们无法逃避
早已注定的结局
而距离
我们在不同轨迹
再多的努力也是悲戚
在心底千万次的练习
千万次不停的温习
只怕已来不及
只是还没告诉你对不起我爱你
没有你我无法呼吸
我不能看你泪流了几公里
只是我还没有鼓足勇气
还没告诉你对不起我爱你
就算有一天脱离了身体
我依然这样的死心塌地

这熟悉的天气
留在深处的记忆
似乎那次我们相遇
是缘分前世的累积
那曾经的旋律
却不能再次响起
是否我们无法逃避
早已注定的结局
而距离
我们在不同轨迹
再多的努力也是悲戚
在心底千万次的练习
千万次不停的温习
只怕已来不及
只是还没告诉你对不起我爱你
没有你我无法呼吸
我不能看你泪流了几公里
只是我还没有鼓足勇气
还没告诉你对不起我爱你
就算有一天脱离了身体
我依然这样的死心塌地

我不能听信别人为我做好的安排
我知道现在的你对我有多么的依赖
我相信你一定还在原地为我等待
因为你而我存在别离开我的爱

还没告诉你对不起我爱你
没有你我无法呼吸
我不能看你泪流了几公里
只是我还没有鼓足勇气
还没告诉你对不起我爱你
没有你我无法呼吸
我不能看你泪流了几公里
只是我还没有鼓足勇气
还没告诉你对不起我爱你
就算有一天脱离了身体
我依然无法与你分离
还要和你继续在一起
对你说声那句我—-爱你

The 787th day.. Happy Birthday, Nam.

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to Nam,
Happy Birthday to you!

i wish you a happy 26th birthday, all the best to you.
hope that this time you could turn over a new leaf.
please do not treat your girlfriend like me on how you treat me.
i’ll give you my blessing.

A total of 4mths, we lost contact.
i lost my phone, and change my number eventually.
i didn’t gave you, it’s because i wanted to forget you – because you had your life now, i wouldn’t want to pester you anymore.
not knowing whether will you be searching high and low for me or maybe you did call or sms my old number.
sorry, i just want to forget you.. it’s because i love you too much, till now.. my heart is still with you.
please forgive me for not contacting you.

please led a better life then before.
please learn to smile.
please learn to take care of yourself when you’re sick.

The 731th day.. offically give up on him

my 2nd trip to ipoh – a fruitful trip (23 July 2010 – 27 July 2010)

met my hubby at ipoh airport, and he pick me up.
to be frank speaking – i was kinda shock when i met him, not going to describe not commented.
look doesn’t matter to me anymore – as long as he really love me.

he love me more than anything else – i cant imagine a guy would shed a tears for me.

after what ‘he’ done to me – i offically gave up on him.
just take it a lesson for me, too trusting and too naive.

a new life with my hubby, gotten work hard and pay all my debts.
shall move in with him, once i settled everything.

iloveyou – K.L Lee

The 719th day…

i thought i could forget him, but i can’t.

i always thought of taking revenge onto him, but i hestitated.
i stay strong, i try not to cry, wanted to tell him.. i’m still waiting for him.
i try not to think of the memories we left behind but can’t.

i cant live without him,
i just need him to love and pamper me, nothing else.

iloveyou.

The 697th day…

did nothing much today,
had a another tiff with my family again.
it all because of him, gave too many burdens.

anyway, my colleagues told me…
to forget a person is to blend in the hatred.
i guess that is true.
if a guy really love you, he wouldn’t use you to do this and that..

i have to accept the facts and learn to stand up again.